The "Phun" In the Cut Awards

When someone says a place is in the cut, they typically mean that the place is in the ghetto or hidden or in a part of town where no one but locals travel.

As we are traveling, my companions and I have hired a driver to take us around and show us the highlights of each country. Obviously, some drivers are better than others. Let's review.

Malaysia: This guy was great. He showed us around Kuala Lumpur, took us to the Petronas towers. Let us see KL Tower which looks like a giant golf ball. He also took us to a traditional Malaysian restaurant where we enjoyed fresh, spicy seafood. After dropping us off at 1 am, he returned at 5 am to take us to the airport. We liked him and tipped him lovely.

Vietnam: *Sigh* Poor little fella. He insisted he spoke English. He didn't. We jumped out of his taxi while it approached a light in Ho Chi Minh City. I threw some cash on the seat for his trouble. We decided to go back to the New World Saigon Hotel to catch another cab. We walked up to the hotel and the driver we just ditched was there waiting for us. He insisted he spoke English and would take us where we wanted to go. With the concierge as our interpreter, we politely declined his offer and hired another cab driver. He spoke 10 words of English rather than 5. Our second driver was more slick. If we fell asleep in the cab he'd just drive and drive in a circle. The second one of us woke up, he'd take a hard left and magically say "Look, a temple."

Cambodia: Phun the taxi driver/ tour guide. Phun is a man's man. We could tell because EVERYBODY in Siem Reap knew Phun. When we hastily left the Le' Meridien (because they wanted to charge us extra for the third person and we reserved a two person room) he patiently drove us around in the heat. We realized he was patient because at the subsequent hotels, the reservation desk asked "Well, aren't there three of you?" Well, how would they know that? Because A) 3 black women traveling... duh. We were marked from the moment we stepped off the plane. B) They all knew Phun and told us such and C) Siem Reap is a small town. One guy went as far as to say "I know your driver. He is a good person. Speaks English well. You are lucky to have him." Finally, when we returned to Le Meridien with our tails between our legs, the Hotel bellhop gave Phun a wink and told us "Welcome back."

The 'In the Cut' awards are actually inspired by Phun. He told us he would take us on a sunset riverboat ride. We agreed. Sounds lovely, harmless right? Wellllllll. He actually drove us in the cut where chickens, goats and naked babies run around on the sides of the road. He drove us past the rice paddy fields. Then we traveled at least 20 minutes on an unpaved road, until finally, we got to the boats. Oh. My. God. I think C's look captures our collective mood:

Where Phun saw river, we saw a swamp. He said boat and he meant that in the loosest sense of the word. No one really would have been surprised had the boat capsized. Tour really meant, two kids take us out a-ways and bringing us back. Good thing we had our disposible surgical masks to block out some of the stench of the river water. Bad thing no one had taken malaria pills prior to departure. Yes, it was that far in the cut. And funny thing is, people actually live on these river boats and further out along the lake, there was a mini floating city. This city had a police station, school, restaurant and general store. So for the swamptour on the dilapidated boat, Phun originates the In the Cut Award.

Thailand: We got swindled once by a taxi who charged us about $10 to go up the street and back in Bangkok. Of course we were hotel shopping once again. We were fresh off the plane, so he got us. In Phuket, a woman I had 'supped' with the night before took us for a ride. I personally believe she knew the where abouts of my shopping bag, but when I asked her... she conveniently didn't speak English. Later that night, she spoke very good English as she and her partner served as our drivers. I'll take the loss on my bag of goodies. Maybe they thought it was okay, because they shared fresh green coconuts with me the night before.

Singapore: Again, hoodwinked and bamboozled. Now it was $12 for a 4 block drive to the Clarke Quay (pier). We learned to demand a meter.

Indonesia: Jakarta is a very unsafe city. Personally, I think the entire city is in the cut. Had we known, we would have skipped the city altogether. Anyway, we hired a driver who came with a 'heavy.' A heavy is kinda like Oak is to Michael Jordan. A bodyguard. Okay, Lapipi wasn't that big but he was still exerted some power. And we think he was packing heat. He had a leather jacket on or near him the entire day. It was about 95 degrees in Jakarta. The other 'heavy' had a knife wound on his neck that extended from his left earlobe to his Adam's apple. The two of them watched us closer than the locals watched us.

Bali was the worse. We got taken for a RIDE. (I'm singing Take a ride by Roy Davis, Jr.) We hired a driver for the day. He wanted to take us to Butar Mountain. It's was actually a volcano. He failed to mention it was about 3 hours away. Oh, and though our hotel told us it would be a flat rate, he had the meter running. The volcano was pretty.

But this driver gets the "In the Cut" award for three reasons.
A) He raved about these Hot Springs. We get there and there are a bunch of natives swarming about waiting for us to get out to purchase trinkets. I knew we were in trouble because I didn't see any tour buses. I'm all about getting off the beaten track, but not this far of a detour. Children were playing naked in the hot springs. Babies peeing in the hot springs. People washing their clothes in the very same hot springs. Oh, and lets not talk about the trash floating along the shore. I dipped the underside of my big toe in the hot spring for a nanosecond and I had had enough. Luckily, my companions are more bourgie than I, so I never have to cry "Uncle" first.

B) He then took us to the locals market where we could have purchased all the dried meat and smoked corn we wanted. I was congested with a cold and I could tell the place stank, stunk and would generally offend the olfactory senses.

C) The taxi driver ended the evening at the locals' shopping mall. It was particularly bad because the locals were staring at US like, who let the foreingers in? We didn't pay him. At all. Not the metered price nor the agreed upon price. That scene is worth a post all of its own. But to give a preview... I believe B almost jumped over the counter when complaining to Hotel management about recommending this taxi.